I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
