i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
