i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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