I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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