I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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