I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize