do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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