what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are the jesus of drinking
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
