Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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