You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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