Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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