I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
