Already got asked if we're dating
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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