From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
