i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize