Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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