My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
