i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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