She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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