mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
