she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
