I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
