he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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