I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
