There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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