1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
