I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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