mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
is it fun? or sober?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize