It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
