why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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