WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ok first of all what the fuck
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
