god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
