What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
