We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
