marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
