ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
