I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
