I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
