We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
