goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
