you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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