Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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