Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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