She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
