Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
