There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
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