just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
