What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
