True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need a beard to bite.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
