I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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