chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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