I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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