I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize