Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
