I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
