so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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