We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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