Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
