Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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