I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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