I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize