how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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