You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
