me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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