it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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