Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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