OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
