After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
