You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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