she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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