good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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