he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
ttyl tear gas
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
