So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize