I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Is Oprah even human
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
