LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
