I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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