My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
