fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
