Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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