That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
