is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
